


(our) goodbyes during winter

by yellowpostitnotes



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Childhood Friends, Fluff and Angst, I made younghyun protective/clingy woops-, I swear I dont know what im doing, M/M, Slow Burn, Tags will be added, This is my first time writing im so sorry, and jae is a vv sensitive(ish) boy, like slower than a turtle, really soft, younghyun is an attentive baby
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-01-27 04:47:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12574048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowpostitnotes/pseuds/yellowpostitnotes
Summary: "That reminds me of a friend of mine that used to live here as well.. His name was Jae”Jae’s eyes widened.“I can barely remember what he looks like, It’s been so long.. But He was beautiful..haha..He probably still is”orjaehyungparkian as childhoodfriends that turns out pretty angsty but it works out (?)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi-- gosh this is my first fic on ao3 (or just writing in general) I DO NOT have my thoughts for this fic in order-- probably should take notes but whatever honestly i'll do that for the next chapters cause i live like this...poorly
> 
> this goes out to ate tee and all of her weenies.....if it turns out horribly then shame on my cow-
> 
> Edit: if you want to feel emo while reading this go listen to Metronome by Kenshi yonezu (read the lyrics or english versions of the songs ~its absolutely beautiful)

It _was happening again_.

"Hey, uh- i'm gonna head to the bathroom for a while, yeah?"

A collective 'Sure, Jae' and a bunch of 'Yeah's were given, some too occupied in the conversation or distracted by the loud music to process what he had just said.

Without a moment to spare, He was already on his way. The noise from the party had started to muffle out, as he felt his thoughts crept in. His vision, blurry. All the hues from neon orange and dark blue starting to mix into one, black and hypnotizing color.

He continued to squeeze through the crowd, stalling his thoughts by humming the loud song he knew was playing despite having difficulty hearing it.

Bump after bump, he didn't have time to apologize; Too focused on finding the restroom and when his eyes had finally found it at the end of the clear hallway, he rushed and thankfully it wasn't occupied.

A rush of emotions had flooded through him as he locked he door with trembling hands.

_Not again..nonononono_

He crumbled to the floor, hugging his knees as it became difficult to breathe.

He put his glasses aside, rather violently; not a care if he'd have trouble seeing, come the next day.

Breathing heavily he started sobbing his eyes out, as thoughts had begun creeping into his head. Shaking hands gripping tightly on his black hair, the want to rip it out and grind his teeth as he choked on cold tears.

**'It's useless'**

_no..._

**' _YOU'RE_ useless** '

_stop,please.._

**'weak,frail,greedy you just never stop disappointing do you?'**

_i'm sorry,_

_i'm sorry,_

_i'm sorry_

_i-_

**'aren't you tired..tired of being such a nuisance? because everyone around you is..'**

**'and you know tha-** _**"Hello?"** _

 

_They stopped._

 

Panic rushed into Jae. He was still shaking, clueless as to what his next move would be.

How was he supposed to explain?  _I kind of had a breakdown and i'm sorry for depriving you of the bathroom lol?_

He sat there on the floor, his head wandering left and right as he kept having a mini episode trying to make up a story to explain the mess that he is right now..

A few minutes passed by filled with complete silence from the two, not knowing what to do next.

"Uh- Hey, don't worry I'm not here to use the bathroom. I just- Do you maybe wanna talk?"

The stranger had a calm and soothing voice, it was uncertain, but gentle.. this was all Jae needed to put him at ease. He started working on steadying his breaths ,wiping off his tears and his nose with his handkerchief.

"You don't need to come out there, until you think it's okay...I'll keep you company"

No response. They took this as a signal to do so.

Jae heard movements as if the stranger had sat down against the door, just as he was.

Judging from the small ' _Ah_ ~' he faintly heard, the guy probably had a drink with him.

"You play any instruments?"

It was as if the stranger knew he wasn't going to answer, they kept talking.

"I play the bass from time to time but it's a really different feeling once I'm using the guitar since it's what I'm used to." Jae smiled to himself.

"I mean--" _They_ laughed. Short but sweet.

"Don't get me wrong alright? I enjoy it a lot, really, jUST--" Jae giggled.

The stranger was caught off-guard and smiled to himself.

"Heck--It's good to know you're still with me, I started thinking you might've slept on me here and I just kept talking to myself" They both laugh.

 _This is nice_ , Jae thought.

"why--" Jae was embarrassed, his voice cracking. "Pff.."

Clearing his throat,he tried again. "Why don't you just play guitar then?" "Hmm.. Well in this litte group..wellicallitagroupsincewedonthaveabandnameyetbutwellgettherelater" "Hold on,partner. What are you a fax machine?" Jae replied, wiping his nose.A smile evident in his tone.

Jae's voice was different, his clogged nose making it sound more nasally and deeper than it was.

"We have all night, you can tell me all about it."

"Seriously? My voice can get pretty annoying you know?"

"Hmm..I like it, though?"

"Well, it's gonna be a long story. Are you okay with that?"

"Try me."

 

\----

 

The two spent an hour talking to each other through that wooden door. Time flying by, each enjoying each other's company not noticing how long it had been.

"Dang, it's surprising nobody's come to use this bathroom. Do people in Korea normally have bladders of steel?"

"Nah, some have tried going to this hallway but I told them to go use the one upstairs. You aren't from here?"

"It's been a while since I've been here. My family went to live in a different country, I can barely remember anything"

"That reminds me of a friend of mine that used to live here as well.. His name was _Jae_ ”

Jae’s eyes widened.

“I can barely remember what he looks like, It’s been so long.. But He was beautiful..haha..He probably still is”

“W-what happened to him?”

“It was mostly my fault..I drifted away from him and before I knew it He was already gone. They left Korea and headed to somewhere else”

“I—“

“Younghyun! We’re leaving your ass” “Oh sh-- ,I better get going.It was really nice talking to you.I-uh-“

“Yeah, thanks for –yeah you know—“

“Yeah,haha –uh-Promise this’ll only be between you and me?”

Jae heard a loud and impatient, honk coming from outside.

“It’s a promise.”

And with that, he left. Not getting a chance to ask the other for their name but Jae knew exactly who they were.

**_'Brian..'_ **


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a mess-- im posting this directly from my notes so i havent beta-d this at allUGHHH ill fix everything as soon as i get a hold of wifi (or i figure out how to make my friends beta for me)

\--

_Life was perfect.._

 

Well, for two little kids who knew little to nothing.. It was _bliss_ ; all they could ever ask for.

 

Others would think It would be the other way around, but upon first meeting it had been Younghyun who introduced himself to the other. Another thing others would get wrong is that, it had actually been Younghyun who had moved in to their neighborhood later than Jae. Despite that, He had no trouble getting along with the neighbors.

‘He seems to be the embodiment of the sun, warm and welcomed’ Jaehyung thought, quite jealous of him as he had moved in a month earlier and yet hadn’t made any friends (Jae had his sister but she was older ,by 2 years, and had no trouble finding friends when they settled down)Growing up, Jae had been shy and much more reserved and had only began to be more expressive thanks to Brian…

_‘Brian..’_

The name had sounded so natural to him. Although it wasn’t his real name, instead it was his name that was used when his family went to stay in Toronto for 4 years, Jae decided to call him that rather than his Korean name. The younger would constantly keep telling him to call him Younghyun even though, Jae being the only one to call him Brian made him feel special and reminded him of the good memories he experienced in Toronto. Doing this, obviously taunted the older to keep calling him Brian.

Brian noticed that the older’s Korean wasn’t as fluent as the natives , so he’d drawn a conclusion he hadn’t been here for long as well. Jae told him about his background, growing up and staying in LA ‘till he ended up here to have close contact with his grandfather (which prompted the other to start talking about how cool he was).Brian had the idea to tease him with the name he used in LA, only to find out his name was still Jae and its difference was its spelling; using a y instead of an e

Of course Jae tried calling him Younghyun— _tried_ —but it just never stuck with him no matter how hard he did. It was as if it had been programmed in his head that he was Brian and calling him Younghyun just had a sour taste in his tongue. He discussed it with the other, asked him if it really bothered him that much and the younger would just shrug and change the topic whenever it was brought up; but if he were still willing to put up with Jae given the amount of people he could pick instead of him, Jae took it as an okay from him.

\--

It , _really_  , didn’t take long until the two were basically inseparable.

Though Jae would be the one waiting for Brian on his way to school; some would say he’d become too dependent on him, the younger didn’t mind because Brian, too, had found himself missing Jae whenever the older would be gone every Sunday, as he was Christian and would use those days to visit his grandfather.

One instance had Brian calling out to him at the swing beside him, where Jae usually sat, turning his head expecting for his friend to answer back in English, even though he had been playing with one of the other kids from their school.

\--

To one of the many days that they’d just spend lazing around, not a care in the world if it were to end right then and there as long as they had the other’s company. Jae asked when Brian’s birthday was, to find out it was on the 19th of December.

It was August. . the two in the nearby park placed in their usual seats in the swingset, talking about everything and anything with the beautiful mixtures of pink,orange and yellow the sky had painted; it almost seemed unreal. . As if it were a day the two were meant to remember.

"when's yours?"

The older faced him, beaming.

"mine's exactly next month! you better get me something~" sticking his tongue out.

Younghyun's eyes widened.

The setting sun casted a beautiful glow around Jaehyung.

He wasn't allowed to say the word,(his mom would be so disappointed in him,he thought) but right then and there he knew he was fucked.

Jae didn't break eye contact with the younger; it made Brian feel like Jae had just read his mind,specifically the realization he just had a few seconds ago.

_pleasepleasepleasepleaseple-_

"I don't know if its just because of this insanely fine day today but you seem way more...uh"

He was working on his Korean so the younger said he had to start speaking less English; a result being Jae struggling with a few terms here and there.

"H-handso-?"

"Beautiful." He remembered. "I dunno handsome doesn't seem to describe what I'm trying to say but..yeah, haha, 'you seem way more beautiful'", He finished.

He definitely didn't read through his mind ,thankfully(?),but it made him extremely happy. .

and he didn't mind showing Jae how he felt about it, smiling then turning to his side way too happy for his own good.

Jae obviously teased him about it, right after.

That day, Brian came home with the biggest smile on his face, having the hardest time trying to sleep, tossing and turning left and right, kicking his feet in the air whilst covering his face; remembering what happened mere hours ago.

\--

It rained the next day.

Brian woke up,still in a good mood, remembering what had happened the other day.

Ready to take a bath, His dad suggested Brian best not go to school that day,since he easily got sick, his face showed how it made him slightly upset but knew his father was only looking out for him ,so he complied.He called Jae so he wouldn't wait for him on his way to school.

He would admittedly feel lonely not being able to see him for the day, but hearing the older's voice telling him "Yeah! It's alright!" or his repetitive "Don't worry"s ,shushing him whenever he tried to apologize made Brian feel less worried about him.They concluded the call promising to meet at their usual spot at the playground.

After breakfast, Brian decided to sleep the morning off 'till they had to meet later when school was over, the rain's pitter patter lulling him to sleep.

The rain was pretty harsh, that day, and rain had always been one of the things Brian passionately talked about with Jae, The older keeping him in his thoughts throughout class as it heavily poured outside.Jae remembered how he talked about how it made the younger feel cozy, how he found comfort in the cold air the rain would bring, how it reminded him of the songs his mom used to sing him, how fascinating it was. . Jae used to think the rain was depressing, annoying because it always prevented them to go outside to play;but that day, when Brian wasn't with him, was just filled with him developing an appreciation to how beautiful it really was. (He told himself to tell Brian all about it when they meet later)

-•-

He woke up with an hour left before they'd meet at the playground.The weather starting to light up but with a drizzle still ongoing.To make the time pass, he engaged himself in reading a book he had nearly finished halfway through.

He went to the kitchen table, where his dad prepared him pesto for lunch.His dad sat across him and initiated some small talk, since Younghyun had spent more time outside with Jae than he did at home.

"Sorry you had to skip out school today,champ"

" it's cool,dad.Hmm..Oh! I'll be meeting Jaehyung later by the playground"

"Alright, remember to stay sa-Oh~ how come i haven't heard about this friend of yours?Are you keeping secrets from me,kid?" His dad said playfully.He honestly didn't mind if he had to keep things from him.The guy respected his privacy; and what Younghyun was comfortable with telling him, he'd tell and that's why Younghyun had a lot of respect for him.

"Hahaha~ where do I begin.." He glanced at the clock "--Is it really okay for me to keep you this long?"

His dad spared a glance at his wristwatch "My shift'll be in the next few 30 minutes,kid."

"Aㅡnyways, I'm intrigued" he leaned forward and rested his head against his palm, an eyebrow raised with the sly fox-like eyes he inherited from him.

"tell me all about Jaehyung"

Younghyun chuckled but gladly complied.He started talking about how he used to be shy and that he takes pride in thinking he contributed to his new found confidence thanks to him, how he sucks at Korean but as fluent as ever in English since he was from LA, how he's older but acts WAㅡY more childish, how the older had a habit of blinking his eyes a LOT (he demonstrated) and, how he seems to have had brighter days ever since they moved in the neighborhood. .

His dad felt so happy listening to Younghyun talk about this friend he had, that he really was happy and his mind hadn't focus too much on the reason they left Toronto.

A few more skits trying to explain they'd gone through in the short amount of time they'd been friends, both of them bursting into fits of laughter every now and then.

Later, his dad glanced at his wrist and Younghyun took this as a sign that he had to leave for work soon.

"Sorry to cut it short,champ" He stood up from his seat, ruffling Younghyun's hair.

"aCK-ahaha~ s'alright dad"

"Continue this conversation some other time,yeah?"Younghyun nodded with a huge grin on his face.

His dad got dressed up for work, brushed his teeth, put on his shoes, faced the mirror near their front door and started adjusting his collar and tie.Younghyun went near him to see him off,

"Remember to lock the door, alright?"He nodded ,kissing his cheek as he waved goodbye.

He was left with nothing to do and still had 46 minutes all to himself.

He walked over to their kitchen, to clean up his plate when he saw the book placed beside it and remembered he was supposed to read before he engaged in a long but enjoyable conversation with his dad.

He pulled his chair back and flipped it open to where his One Piece bookmark (he drew himself and takes pride it in) was placed and decided to leave the dishes for later after meeting Jaehyung.

Time flashes by in an instant, reading a book you've completely invested yourself onto.

Nearly finishing his book ,an estimated amount of 30 pages left, he closed it to check the time and his heart had started racing.

Processing the numbers he saw on the clock, he rubbed his eyes in disbelief.

...

30 MINUTES LATE?!

**SHOOT.**

**S H O O T**

**S H O O T**

JAE IS PROBABLY ALL ALONE WAITING FOR HIM.

He was already on his feet, leaving this front gate (locking it ,ofcourse) 'till he started sprinting.Thinking how he could make it up to the older since he knew hated being alone.

Almost slipping due to the remnants of rain, it didn't stop him from keeping the speed he had now just to be able to meet him, to apologize for making him wait (probably'll end up with him treating him to some snacks,which is why he brought some money in his pocket;careful not to drop it or have it slip out because of the speed he was keeping)

Coming into vision, was the last turn of street 'till he'd soon come face to face with Jae, most probably on the brink of crying because he took so long getting there.He caught his breath and started walking Starting to rehearse-mumble out how he'd apologize (( because he'd never hear the end of it from Jae, he thought))So he started having a mini-conversation with himself.

"Hyuㅡng~" " **no** \- he'd think I thought lightly of it."

"jae-hyung..i-" "i'mnotconfessing (yet) shutupuGHHHH" He rolled his eyes at himself.

He took his last step on the turn and closed his eyes tightly, bracing himself;expecting Jae to yell at his presence.

Nothing.

...

was he _THAT_ mad? He thought, his eyes still shut

slowly he tried opening them one by one,his defences still up.

 

_**He worried for nothing.** _

 

The older had been together with a girl from their class, sitting by the swingset....laughing...lost in their own world

The girl taking Brian's spot.

It tooke a while to absorb the sight he was presented with;Glued to his spot.

He didn't understand the certain feeling he had.He just stood there, trying to come to terms with himself.

..Why was he so angry when nothing bad happened?...Shouldn't he be happy? Jae's not alone and he's clearly happy ...So why isn't he?....Jae's meeting new people, opening himself up more...Was he really this selfish to think he'd be all Jae would needed?

_...When Jae..._

The girl had been the first to notice his presence and Jae followed after.

Jae got off the swing and starting running towards his direction

"B R I ANNNNNN!~" The older yelled, going in for a hug.

He avoided him and looked at him with sharp cold eyes.

Jae froze in his place; a million thoughts going on at once.

"...Huh? W-what's up?"

Brian didn't say anything.

"Don't worry about being late~ i forgive you...I--uh--Have you met Jimin?"

Jae was trying his best to read his mind, what he could have possibly done that made the younger act so cold towards him.

Nothing but unfamiliar cold silence had been exchanged, Both of them hated it and yet noone was budging.

He felt tears threaten to come out of his eyes so Brian turned to his feet and started running away from Jae, leaving him clueless. . .

_When Jae... was never his?_

The realization dawned on him.

That day-- come the next ones, the conversation between Brian and his dad wasn't to be continued.

\---

Younghyun started seeing other people, hanging out with other friends; going the extra mile just to avoid Jae.

This went on for days..to weeks... 'till one day Jae had left Brian a letter in his locker, telling him to meet him at the school field to fix...this..

What Brian made him break down in tears in the middle of their locker rooms was the last few words he saw at the end of the note.

'Please..I miss you'

He did too.

-*-

_That day....there had only been one soul patiently waiting in the field.._

_He waited.._

_and waited.._

'till night came, that soul went back home in tears and that was the last Brian had heard about Jae.

\---

Jae's grandfather had passed away that day the incident by the playground had occured,His grandfather had been the one who taught him about the beauty ans elegance of music, how it brings wonders and people together with no need for words;His life was just crumbling right before him, and it got worse when Younghyun started avoiding him in school.

There had been countless nights, he'd kept crying still thinking what he had done to make Brian look at him with such cold eyes..

He started hating himself.

Caring less for his health and his well-being, wore glasses he didn't even need because he'd grown insecure of his looks..

Jae's parents quickly took notice, since he had refused to open up about what made him change in such a short amount of time they decided they needed to go back in LA, since they didn't have much to stay for in Korea.

Jae's eyes widened in fear.Pleaded they wouldn't when he still hadn't resolve his conflict with Brian.

"We'll give you until the 15th ,Jae"

 

The day Jae waited with the stars for Brian was the 15th of September , The same day the sky decided to take away a kind-hearted mother from the Kang Family. . 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm STILL not making notes for these UGHUGHGU i really should soon this is literlly making me anticipate whats coming even though im the writer--
> 
> anyways the tags are updated so .. yeah ~ enjoy

 

"I'm so _ti_ _ㅡred_ ~" Jae yawned.

 

"You're always tired" a deadpan response from his roommate as they walked to class.

 

The night of the party when Jae opened the door out of the bathroom, a piece of paper was left on the floor

 

**_xxx-xxxx-xxxxx_ **

**_call me if you need someone to talk to_ ** **_: )  your voice was really nice too - sir fax machine_ **

 

"N O o oo o  you don't get it, jamie im _**MEGA**_ tired"

 

"and i **_MEGA_** don't care" Jae pouted towards her.

 

He obviously stayed up freaking out on what the hell he'd do with the paper.

Pacing around in circles, biting his nails, almost throwing it to the trashbin after giving a long emotional pep talk to himself ending with _'its for the best'_ with some tears added for effect; in the end taking it out of the bin only to save it in his contacts _'for safe keeping'_ He convinces himself.

 

"ㅡsooooo mind giving your oppa a massa-" "don't make me hit you" "what a fruitca-OW" Hitting him at the side, Jamie skipped along to another friend she saw and walked with her instead

 

"What a snake" Jae whispered, rubbing his side.

 

\-----*-----

 

It was one of the classes Jae hadn’t had with Jimin. Normally, it just consisted of him not listening to the lecture at all and he’d somehow manage to pass thankfully to his seatmate, Kim Wonpil, lending him notes. The guy was actually pretty good looking; pretty eyes, adorable smile, laugh. To Jae though, he just really felt like a little brother. He was easy to tease and he gets a good reaction whenever he does. Although it might make him sound absolutely ‘precious’ and ‘innocent’ behind all that is a guy who’s head over heels for Yoon Dowoon, a freshman he got along well with by chance because he happened to bring an extra umbrella by accident since he had one in his locker yet he still brought one like an idiot (Jimin didn’t exactly get mad at him— ** _couldn’t_** would be the right term—since he went home with a pink moomin patterned umbrella, which Jae didn’t really mind—in contrast actually found it adorable, but as long as Jamie didn’t rip his head off he was willing to fake defeat.) which explains how pliant the younger is to all of Jae’s requests.

 

Fighting off sleep, he decided to check his phone under his desk.

 

**Chicken lil’ (15:24)**

Yo Jamie

**Chicken lil’ (15:25)**

Jimin

**Chicken lil’ (15:25)**

Park to Jimin hellohello

**Chicken lil’ (15:25)**

Class is so booooooooooring : ^(

**Chicken lil’ (15:25)**

Godammit you’re ignoring me aren’t you

**Moomin (15:25)**

Yes : ) now stfu

 

Jae snickered to himself which made Wonpil glance at him for a second, smiling then returning his focus back on his notes.

 

He was bored out of his mind when he suddenly remembered Bri—The number he saved from the nice guy that helped him out. He went to his contacts without any thought, hovering over his number.

 

**NO COMPUTERS, ONLY FAX**

xxx-xxxx-xxxx

 

He smiles to himself, remembering the jokes (mostly from Jae ,with Brian covering it up with snarky remarks roasting Jae but it was all in good fun) and laughs they had as kids; he wonders what He looks like, how he’s doing. . He can’t help but wish for the best for him, to hope that he didn’t go through what Jae had gone through, that maybe. .—He decided to save it.He didn’t really want to relive whatever happened when they were kids but just knowing that .. _he’s here…_

His mind can’t help but go back to open stupid thou— **“HYUNG”** Wonpil said, gripping on his shoulder. He was already shaking “The Prof said we need to go into groups of four, let’s group together and just wait for whoever gets left out like us, yeah?” Helping him calm down, Wonpil drew circles on Jae’s back while helping him calm down by breathing in and out for Jae to follow his pattern.

It’s times like this where he thanks heaven for blessing him with a such a nice dongsaeng.

It wasn’t the first time Wonpil saw him deal with this. The first few times had Wonpil freaking out since he was completely clueless on what he was supposed to do, but as Jae opened up to him He eventually learned how to comfort the older.

 

Jae couldn’t be more grateful.

 

 “So I guess you guys are the only ones left?” they turned their heads to see two people going up to the professor.

 

“We- We’re okay with doing it by ourse-“

 “Nonsense. There should be enough students here.” He raised his head and called the class’ attention “Are all the groups settled?”

Wonpil raises his hand.

“There you go.” The professor pats the boy with black hair on the back and both of them start walking towards Wonpil’s direction.

Jae took deep breathes, calming down thanks to Wonpil.

 

\----*-----

 

**“Jae-ssi?”**

 

It made Jae raise his head towards the one’s approaching their desk.

“Sungjin?” The younger’s face lit up. “You dyed your hair?” He questioned “Yeah, what do you think?” Jae scruffs his hair at the back, Sungjin sticks his tongue out “I liked blonde better” They laugh.

“Guess we’ll be working together, Jae-ssi?” “Don’t really have a choice now do we?” Wonpil snickers at the back. Jae notices Sungjin blush at the sound.

 _Too obvious,_ He thought.

“Oh right right—He’s Kim Wonpil “ He gestures towards wonpil, who raises up a hand in acknowledgement.

“and I’m Park Jaehyung let’s get along well, yeah?”

The friend right beside sungjin had widened eyes for a split second enough for Wonpil to notice, but recovered immediately and said “Yeah”

“Haha Yeah ,I’m Park Sungjin and He’s Kang Younghyun”

They held eye contact for a few. Younghyun expectantly waiting for his reaction..Jae smiled at him brightly, as if it were the first time they met.

It made him flinch, but he tried not to show how the gesture had pinched at his heart..

 

' _Kang Younghyun_ '

 

_To Jae, The name didn’t ring a bell._

\---*---

 

“So we need to come up with a song by next month to present for class..how convenient because all of us know how to play instruments, guess it’s everyone else’s loss for not picking us” Sungjin grinned.

 

“Are we going for something with or without lyrics?” Wonpil asked

 

“I’m pretty sure it’d be much more interesting if we could come up with some” Jae added.

 

The other guy had been completely silent for the whole conversation, something seemed to be running in his mind so Jae let him be for a while.

 _Maybe he’s a bit shy?,_ He thought.

“Give me your kakao ids, I’ll make a group chat later so we can pitch in our ideas. I already have Younghyun’s so I got him covered” Sungjin said.

Jae was too busy studying the boy in deep thought. He didn't like the look on his face which seemed to visualize the amount of worries, the poor guy must've had. Jae felt sorry for him, felt a certain sense of mission in himself to befriend him.

With Jae noticeably occupied, Wonpil decided to handle giving out his kakao id to Sungjin.

The bell rang. Everyone getting up from their desks onto their next class. A collective noise both productive and not filled the room instantly, Sungjin already on his feet since he still hadn’t printed his homework out with Wonpil going the same direction, yelling something about their printer running out of ink. It was quite a scene.

But Younghyun sat still as ever in his seat, almost unsettling Jae.

“uh dude..” He waved a hand in front of him.

“hellOOOO? --UH” Jae had some free time, his class wasn’t until 40 mins after so he had time to spare.

He had the hardest time trying to remember his name. _It wasn’t catchy at all_ ,Jae argued in his head trying to justify the dick move he just did forgetting the name of ONE of his group members out of four of them.

 

_Youngjin?...no.. Seonwoo? Yoonsik?_

 

He took some time staring into the boy’s eyes, and noticed how beautiful they were. They were eyes you would easily get lost in, Jae wonders why he hadn’t taken notice of the boy during class earlier. His eyes suddenly meet Jae’s and he’s suddenly caught off-guard.

 

_Eunwoo?..Jihyun? i—idontthinkso._

 

“Oh cool, you’re back! Do you have class soon?”

“I—no—I don’t” He stutters.

Jae was about to give up guessing Mr. Pretty face’s name when it finally comes back to him.

“Younghyun!” It startled the boy. “Uh.. this is gonna sound pathetic but I totally forgot your name , i’m R E A LLY sorry” Jae said pressing his hands together and  rubbing them against each other while shutting his eyes tightly.

Silence that was almost choking enveloped the room.

_Man, this guy probably really hated that--_

Jae was about to get up on his feet when Younghyun broke the silence

“It’s okay….Hyung” He said as he looked at him and gave him a weak smile.

“Oh thank god I thought you were mad at me..” He glances at the wall clock at the back “I better get going” Younghyun nodded “See you tomorrow, Young—Youn—DUDE”

 

Younghyun sat there still, his heart ached.Tears threatening to fall, he couldn't help but smile.

_“Today, you’re still the same beautiful goofball I fell in love with. ”_

\----------------

 

" _If it makes you feel better you're the only one who calls me Jae."_

 

"Really?"

 

"Yeah, really"

 

"i don't think I'll ever get used to calling you 'Younghyun'.. it has a bad taste in my mouth " He explained ,sticking his tongue out to emphasize his point, it makes Brian snicker.

 

"so yeah! you call me jae and i call you brian, that way its fair for both of us!" He said grinning

 

"Alright alright .. aㅡnd you're sure it's okay for me not to call you ‘hyung’ ?"

 

"Yeah, bri-bri" in his mind a lingering memory 'respect had to be earnt' as his teacher would constantly say  which is why she made the students refer to her by her first name and he thought that was really cool." Well-- maybe just use it whenever we're in front of our parents, though"

 

"Haha, alright" Brian said, smiling with his eyes.

 

 

  

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! another chapter that i didnt beta yet bc im an impatient heck-- so please check the other chapters because i edit them a bit here and there ofc ill edit this later so sorry if there are typos or no italics or anyht
> 
> itll be a while before i get to post another chapter so--- enjoy!

Sungjin and Wonpil finally reach the library. Breaths heavy, Wonpil looking as if He was about to collapse any moment now. It worried Sungjin.

"Uh..H-Hey you can--" He takes a moment, catching his breath. "Y-" He coughs , tries to get the lump out of his throat. "You can use the printer first"

Wonpil looks at him with wide eyes, his chest rising and falling noticeably. "O-oh"

Sungjin felt his face heat up, hopes it doesn't look too obvious .. well if he does he'll blame it on the running, this was too much for his weak heart. Wonpil started snickering, which freaked Sungjin out even more thinking Wonpil probably noticed the red tint in his cheeks. He looked absolutely beautiful, the way his eyes crinkled with joy, how his gums showed while dimples formed in his cheeks . . . He can't-- _no_ \-- **won't** find the perfect words to explain just how beautiful the younger was. Sungjin looked away, trying not to look too much.His heart swole with pure affection for the younger, a few more glances and he might let go of a few words he might end up regretting..because Sungjin...

_..Sungjin knew.._

He knew Wonpil had eyes for someone else. . It hurt, sure. . but he was content with..with _this._ He was able to talk to him, see him smile and laugh like this.. he couldn't ask for-- Well, he'd be lying to himself if he said that. . But this scene right in front of him is breathtaking and he'd rather just live the way things are..silent and with him admiring in the distance. . Except it wasn't that way, he just _had_ to be grouped up with him for a stupid group project because He kept trying to get along with Younghyun, even though the other was completely showing no interest. (Younghyun got Sungjin to stop pressing when he gave him his kakao id.)

"I don't actually need to use the printer, Hyung."

_..."What."_

Sungjin was so lost in thought he didn't process what the younger had just said. He tried as much as possible not to read too much into it-- " Jae-hyung and Younghyun-hyung needed some time alone."

_Ah. Of course._

He wouldn't have gone here with the intention of going along with you, stupid.

"But I don't mind waiting for you, hyung" Wonpil pulled out a chair and started humming a soft, heartwarming melody.

Another reason Sungjin fell hopeless for the kid was because of his voice. He'd describe it asㅡwell he wouldn't exactly have the right words to accurately put those out ,too, butㅡit was one that striked you right where it hurts, where it mattered. As if every word that slips off out his mouth were directed towards you. .

 

_Breathtaking. ._

 

You could know the lyrics to the song you've played on repeat for a thousand times but when Wonpil started singing it'd feel as if you heard it for the first time.

Sungjin smiles, decides to take the moment as it is and walks towards the computer with his usb in hand. He revises his homework and tries not to swoon too much to the lovely melodies Wonpil continues to hum as he scans through a book he picked up.

\---*---

Jae was in class and sat beside Jimin in their usual spot.

The proctor had been taking an awful lot of time and no sub. _rare_ , Jae thinks.

Jimin was minding her own business, pulling out a book borrowed from Jae she'd been meaning to finish. Right now, she had a stern and elegant aura surrounding herㅡif you hadn't known she's borrowed the same book for months and still hasn't finished it, Jae snickered at the thought.

A figure getting nearer and nearer approached Jae all of a sudden, startling him a bit.

"Hey Jae, you got any plans tonight?" The guy leaning in a little too close for Jae's liking , with a deep suggestive voice.

"Uh- no,not really.."

Jimin immediately stopped reading and faced Jae with a look of worry, one that said ' _Please.._ _Don't do it'_

Jae caught notice of this, didn't want Jimin to worry anymore. He wanted to prove to her he was getting better, no matter how little or slow the pace had gone -- _small improvement is still an improvement_ , he reminds himself.

"Oh-- I--No ..sorry I can't actually, I've a group project to work on..sorry"

The guy rolled his eyes, angrily eyeing Jimin, Jae was having none of it.

"Hey,Hey. It's my fault I have to bring them home to our dorm tonightㅡNext time,yeah?"

The guy smirked "Yeah, next time" he seemed pleased with the answer and went back to his seat.

"GUYS THAT'S 15 MINUTES WE CAN ALL LEAVE"

A few celebratory "Yuss!" "Al~right!" were heard, followed by students who talked and talked 'till it built up to a sound that drowned out your own thoughts as they packed their stuff and left the room.

"I don't get why they're so happyㅡIt's our money getting wasted,really"

"You say that but you're wearing the same shit eating grin everyone else is" The comment made the younger's grin wider.

" 'Cause i'm proud of you~, 'ya scum." She said on her toes, reaching out to ruffle Jae's hair. " Since it's a Monday and we don't have class 'till Afternoon. . LET'S HEAD ON TO THAT CAFE TO CEEEE~LEBRATE GOOD TIMES--", doing a little dance at the tune "--COME ON!" Jae chimed in, raising his lanky arms.

"You look like those convenient store inflatables with the noodle arms", Jimin said chuckling snorting a bit out of amusement.

Jimin only ever did that whenever she was extremely happy, most of the time she was super aware of how she laughs and tries not to snort too much since some find it 'gross' or 'unappealing' for her to do that. Jae tried convincing her that it was actually adorable, because it was infectious and made him laugh too , and that she shouldn't give a crap about what other people think because they're just jealous of how happy you are. She clearly appreciated it, Jae wasn't the type to give much advice about stuff but whenever he did it didn't go unnoticed by Jimin. She'd call it cheesy but she'd actually end up thanking him so much for just listening to her and just being there for her.

Jae continued to flail his lanky arms upward, making the younger gasp for air.

Footsteps getting louder ,Wonpil and Sungjin walking in to the two , breatheless and very confused.

Jimin looked at the two, Jae followed suit. Jimin wiped her tears away from laughing too much and started working on her composure. A hand on her stomach, that hurt from laughing too much.

Jae slowly put his arms down, faced the two from their seat. "15 Minutes" was all he had to say to have Wonpil collapse like a flower to the floor.

 

Laughing, _obviously_.

 

Sungjin was like a stone-cold statue, still and lifeless. Carrying a sheet of paper that looked like it went through a lot, Jae couldn't help but laugh at the idea of just how much it had gone through.

\---*---

Younghyun hadn't had class until later at afternoon. He stayed in the library by his lonesome, occupying a whole table to himself.

Not alot of people were there. A table with  two girls and a laptop, a bunch of scattered paperwork majestically scattered as if it were precisely made-to-be messy it was as if one paper was out of place it would completely break the duo's focus. Another kid occupied another lone table, They seemed to have difficulty keeping their focus as they anxiously tapped their fingers on the desk. Younghyun could've sworn he heard them mumbling nonsensical words when he passed by to occupy the other lone table.

 

The haziness of the day , that seemed to accompany his mood, enveloped him into a sudden want for slumber.

 _Too much has happened, too much,_  He thinks.

He closed his eyes and heard slow build-up of the rain pour, through the window he was beside.

As a kid, Brian had absolutely loved the rain. Had passionate talks about how beautiful it was with Jae, the older clearly not understanding where his passion for it came from , but he knew whenever he talked about it Jae would look so amused at him when he did.

_But he hated it now._

It reminded him of the day he'd messed everything up. Where he lost Jae, over something _so little ,so... **stupid**_. The rain, It had done nothing but remind him of the bitter memories he wishes would cease from his memory, for a redo if he could.

The rain reminds him of his _pain, regret, sadness...fear and longing for the older..._

Despite all this, _he stays_.

Lets himself drown in the guilt and memories he deserves to suffer through.

Jae's here and he's... well...still the same clumsy boy he'd lovingly missed in such a long time.. 

another thought pushes through..one of hope, in his head.

...I guess this is my do over? He shakes his head.

It'll be one of those projects that we'll breeze through, have conversations centered around the topic and some nonsense here and there, 'till the inevitable comes and we'll end up having awkward greetings when we meet in the hallways, trying to still keep in contact 'till we both notice _it isn't worth keeping_. he snickers bitterly at the thought.

_I still want to see him,though. . seriously.. how selfish can you be,Kang?_

As if the sky heard his prayers, the boy enters the room ruffling his hair, shivering from the cold.

"I forgot winters in Korea were this cold, what the heck" He whispered continuing to yap on about how unfortunate it is and then something about a cafe trip being canceled. A small figure in a much delicate state comes to view, shivering much more violently her teeth chattering. Jae wrapped a jacket around her, The girl's eyes settling to the warmth, burying her neck in the soft collar it had. "You look like a small kitten" Jae commented which made the girl smile "How decieving, you snake." Snickering which earned him an elbow to his side. "This is exactly why you're single" it made Jae pout.

They both started shuffling to a table nearby, Younghyun's heart racing--scratch that it was on a goddamn MARATHON. He tucked his head down and looked to the window, _'if you can't see them, they can't see you'_ a stupid line he used to say was his 'secret technique' when he used to play hide n' seek with his friends-- but he's not a stealth ninja, it's not as if looking to the other side'll just make his existence unnoticeable. This is what he gets for drowning in sentime-- "Hm?" "What's up, Jae?"

\---*

Jae stopped walking, looked toward the direction of someone looking out the window. He could've sworn the figure looked familiar. He approached them.

_maybe just a peek if they're asleep that's cool too._

Looking over, it was the boy from his group, Mr. Pretty face.

He was sleeping peacefully. It made him smile. The guy looked absolutely stunning, jesus christ. Long eyelashes, sharp jawline, slanted eyes ;He seriously questions why he hadn't noticed the guy sooner.

\----*

Younghyun felt a presence drawing nearer and nearer behind him. Until, the person just decided to literally position themself infront of him. That's cool, it'll just be a while before this person eventually bugs off and this person leaves and i can get out of here.

...

_..He waits._

Sings a song in his head to calm his nerves and to make the time pass.

...

 _There is nothing left to take ,_  
_but i still try to reach._  
_Try to swallow it all down,_  
_yet i can't seem to breathe._  
_Just a single pill of mine,_  
_nothing else will suffice._  
_I take it in, now i'm alive._

The rain's pitter patter distracting him a bit, he gets the lyrics wrong a lot making the verse loop several times. Loop after loop he manages to drag himself to the second chorus.

 _See me fall down,_  
_Let me die here slowly._  
_Cover my eyes,_  
_when I'm up i'll finally fade away._  
_Here, today._  
_Give me a reason, then i'll stay._

 

_That should've been a good amount of 2 minutes or so.._

 

He opens one eye , slowly , they meet with the Jae's.

_Fuck it._

**Author's Note:**

> constructive criticism is much appreciated~  
> no promises on how consistent the updates'll be i honestly just thought of doing this for fun--


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